I just want to be a hero..

Lately, I’ve had this obsession with wanting to become a hero. It started off simple when I started watching the show Heroes, and of course it was no big deal at the time. It was mostly just because the show had a realistic feel and I have a broad imagination. Except lately, it’s been more of a desire that can not be extinguished by anything. This happened when I came in contact with a robbery. I was at a store full of many different collectible items, and other sorts of items, and this man runs past me, brushing my shoulder. When the store clerk says “Wait for me!” and this criminal who has fueled my obsession replies “Nope.” and bolts off. Though at the time, I was not aware of what was happening until after he was long gone, but since I did not stop him, I feel like it was partly my fault. Since then, I’ve wanted to be a hero. 

Christian’s Baggage #32

I feel school is the least efficient way to measure intelligence. You should not be able to tell me, based on how well I reflect my thoughts, and how soon I can hand them to you, how smart. To me that seems ridiculous and completely unfair. Lately, I’ve been thinking about intelligence a lot, and if it is in fact true, the more you know the harder it is for you to be happy. I’ve been debating with myself by questioning every piece of information thrown my way. This also leads to my turning in on myself, and staying contained in my tiny mind. Everything has been trapped inside of me, all my thoughts, feelings and ideas; not even my writing wishes to show itself recently. I have also discovered recently that no matter who a person is to you now, when they become your past, they die with a part of you. I have changed my appearance yet again and I feel as though I could have never thought this to be the young man I would shape into. I believe though, it has come with all the self-awareness, and self-knowledge I have been attaining through the years.

Every boyfriend needs to be the kind of guy who wants to go on walks with his girlfriend, that is willing to let her apply make up to his face for a few laughs, that will suggest that they bake something together, or paint together. Every boyfriend needs to have a sense of humour, and even through her tears, you can make her smile or laugh. You need to accept her taste in music, whether it is very far off from yours, or almost the exact same. Every difference you two have, is what makes you two separate people, you should cherish those things. Every boyfriend needs a loving and caring girlfriend. 

Christian’s Baggage #31

How much longer can the Fool believe in his future? The suffering clings to him, like an unwanted companion, going where ever he does. Growing in size for every step that he takes and feasting on any sort of emotion the Fool doth feel. Leaving him with stress, depression and full on anxiety. This was never a game, but now things are just getting down right difficult. Take this journey on your knees, sick with no more ease. See how far you take this road, for no one will really ever know. 

Christian’s Baggage. #30

Before you know it everything you have built yourself with come crashing down. You think you have everything in order, but trust me nothing goes as planned. Hollow is the heart, shallow is the mind. 

Christian’s Baggage. #29

You know the cliché saying: “I only have eyes for you.” 
Well, I have not looked at a girl with any intentions of lust or beauty for a while now. I mean actresses, but that’s about it. I’m not even just saying this for brownie points with my girlfriend, I actually cannot see any other girl in such a way as I see her. Love does crazy things to people, and this is one of those crazy things I just noticed. 

This is a message specifically for you. I know you are reading this, you’re honestly such a good person and I want you to know everything may not seem happy-go-lucky as of now, but for you it will get better soon enough. I can see it coming in your future, you have to have hope and faith in yourself, and start moving your feet forward. Keep your head up and keep moving through every struggle that comes your way. You are an excellent soul, and you have lots of potential. Do not let us down by giving up on yourself so soon. Stay strong.

Stuff I want.

Lung Cancer Button 
http://www.choosehope.com/product/cancer-sucks-buttons/1564?cancer_color_id=Lung+Cancer+-+Clear%2FWhite 

Lung Cancer Shirt
http://www.choosehope.com/product/let-s-clear-the-air-t-shirt/3623?cancer_color_id=Lung+Cancer+-+Clear%2FWhite 

Lung Cancer Wristband
http://www.choosehope.com/product/no-one-fights-alone-wristband/2697?cancer_color_id=Lung+Cancer+-+Clear%2FWhite  

Christian’s Baggage #28

I cut my finger on my razor blade last night by total accident, seeing the blood pour out actually terrified me. It’s been a long time since I cut on purpose, but I do not think I could ever do such a thing intentionally, I mean seeing my blood come out of my body at such a rapid pace, it made me realize it’s the only thing keeping me alive and as much as you think ‘alive’ is bad, it’s really not as awful as the infinite time of ‘dead’. This is the confession of a Fool.

She’s a lot prettier than you, inside and out. 

Friday, July 6th, 2012

today consisted of: 
Bible school; helping out kids, making crafts, talking about Plants Vs. Zombies
Pool Party; Eating lots of brownies, Acting very childish, throwing torpedoes and going in the pool with my girlfriend
Her House; Sleeping on the couch together, Eating a sub, wearing pants that were way too big.
Car Ride; The mall, her work, the bank, and back home
and finally meeting back up a few hours later, to go see The Amazing Spider-Man.

From 8:45AM-1AM

Spent the whole day together.
I love you baby <3 

Christian’s Baggage. #27

Now, the Fool was out of a home. Family meant everything to him, but he has lost half of his own now. He lost the corruption, his life was no longer controlled. He was a free man. Freedom. The only word he found any sort of comfort in. He was all too nervous, but at the same time, he knew it was a battle he could fight, because this is something he wanted from the start. A price must be paid in order to get what you want, so of course, there will be suffering. He knew this, freedom doesn’t come free to any of us. This is his new chapter, this is where it all begins.

Christian’s Baggage. #26

Those times in life, you don’t want to impose on someone. You tell the exact opposite of how you really feel about a situation and you just want them to know that you’re lying, and you just want them to know you need them.